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Welcome! This is where it all began. I no longer post on this website and some of the content reflects former convictions and understandings. Some of these posts are hard core on issues that I am softer on these days. I deleted many posts that I feared would lead people into legalism, so if you find a missing hyperlink that may be why. Our family is no longer "quiver full," I no longer wear a headcovering, and I do not wear skirts/dresses exclusively. These days I write at Covered By His Hand.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Am I the only one?

I am wandering today if I am the only woman who has four kids and a doting husband, yet feels terribly lonely. I walk around all day aching with loneliness.

Paul is the pastor of a small, country church. Aside from our youthful family of 6, there are about 15 regular attenders, and all have white hair. I am NOT complaining about "old people." I love the elderly in my church - they are precious! What I am saying is that these older people do not fill the void I feel.

I have a void that aches for a like-minded woman. All my "real life" peers/friends are hours away (or days away). So, I am left to internet companions. Daily I attempt to fill the lonely void by reading the blogs of Reformed Christians (see the side bar). This activity helps only as long as I am reading their site, then reality hits -I have no friends. I have no one here (besides Paul) to listen to my pondering, encourage me when I am down, or reach over and hug me.

I have family within an hour's drive, but that doesn't fill the void. I often get e-mails from real-life friends, but that doesn't help. We go for long drives in the country to try to satisfy this hunger, but that doesn't help. I feel doomed to loneliness. Am I the only one?! Do other moms with 4+ kids feel lonely? Having more babies is not a cure for loneliness! (Though it may go a long way towards treating laziness and selfishness!)

What's a lonely Mama to do?

4 comments:

Kerri said...

Oh Bethany, I feel for you. I know exactly how you feel!!! I too was in a church made up of all older families. Some of them were public school teachers and were totaly against homeschooling. I dug my heals in for quite a while about getting involved, but my hubby thought that we needed to be there. I cried out to the Lord. I made it a point to really "walk" with God. And then he sent me a very, very like minded friend. We ended up having to move just a few weeks after that!!! But you know what we are still friends, and I went through another time with no one around, but the Lord has placed us in a church now with all like minded people. Everyone homeshcools, there are old and young people, a ton of children, etc. The funny thing, when we had to move away from the older church.....I cried and cried! The Lord had changed my heart towards them! God can do amazing things...call out to Him and ask Him to send you someone. I think when I finally called out and left it to Him, and gave up MY dreams of an earthly friend....He sent me one :-) I think God does that a lot! Just like getting preggers with our current baby. I kept waiting and waiting, and wondering why weren't we expecting yet. Then I prayed and fasted about it, and gave that desire to the Lord....and then found out a few weeks later we were expecting. :-) I know it doesnt' work that way all the time, but usually when we are what I call "in the desert" the Lord brings us to a place where we need to make Him our sole source of comfort/happiness/joy etc. And just like the Isrealites, He brings us out of the desert when we learn our lesson. Hang in there!! This is just a season. I know it easy for me to say that now, but I truly was in your exact shoes!

Kerri

Bethany W. said...

Kerri,
I am glad to know that I am not the only one!
I have been crying out to God for years (the whole time we have been here, in fact!). I even asked the church to pray for me.
I am thankful for you, Kerri. As I have said before, our paths crossed at just the right time. I do not believe in luck or coincidence. God's providence is all over our friendship - and I hope that someday we will be able to meet!
Bethany

Anonymous said...

Hi Kerri,
Yes, 4 children, home schooling often feeling VERY lonely. God seemed to be sending me a lot of trials and no one to help me. But you know I think it was for me to learn that He is the only one who will never let me down, His promises are always kept. As I began to stop looking for human props the Lord began to show me the wonderful Titus women He had planned for my friends. Keep looking to the Lord and dilight yourself in Him - and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Blessings
Ruby

Bethany W. said...

Ruby,

Thanks for your encouraging words! I do struggle with delighting myself in the Lord. I need to keep working on that!

Bethany