Welcome! This is where it all began. I no longer post on this website and some of the content reflects former convictions and understandings. Some of these posts are hard core on issues that I am softer on these days. I deleted many posts that I feared would lead people into legalism, so if you find a missing hyperlink that may be why. These days I write at Covered By His Hand.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Confession

Any time that I make a confession on this blog, you can be sure that I am not doing it for my own pleasure. When I "come clean" in this venue, it is because I honestly believe that someone else may benefit from knowing my struggles. With this explanation in mind, I confess to you:
I am recovering from an addiction to blogging.

Psalm 42:1 says, "As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God."

I am very sorry to say that up until last week, I was panting for blogging.
I was sitting in front of the computer for more hours per day than I would like to own to. I was hungering and thirsting for comments. I was lying awake nights thinking of topics to write about and composing posts in my head when I should have been sleeping. It was a miserable life.

Yes, I have been sick. Yes, using the computer is one of the few things I was/am still able to do. But, that in no way licenses me to sit here all day and be lazy! I could just as easily sit on the couch and listen to Rebecca read. Or sit and read to the little kids. I am sure that I could have found things to do! I let my physical disability (whatever it is) keep me from whatever domestic work I could have done.

I have repented of my blogging addiction. I have asked the Lord to forgive me and take away the thirst for information. Now, I want to challenge you!

Are you a Mommy or Daddy who has a blog or spends a lot of time reading other blogs (or both)? Is computer time taking away from your time teaching/training your children? Do you "snap" at your kids more often, because you are trying to focus on what you are reading and writing? Even if you are reading great things about the Bible, child rearing, or living off the land - are you taking away time from your family to do it?

I used to feel trapped by this pretense I had pasted myself into! I would see all the names on the Quiverfull Blogroll and feel like "If they can do it, so can I." Seriously, if women with even more than my 4 kids can keep up with a blog (or two or three!), I thought I ought to be able to do it. But, alas, I can no longer keep up this pretense. Now that I have been out of the blog world for one week, I can see a bit more clearly.

I feel like God has cut a burden from my back! I no longer have to sit here all day and watch for comments and reply to them. I no longer have to follow everyone else's posts and comment on those. It all takes so much time and energy, and I will not attempt to do it any longer! God has freed me and I do not want to get back into that rut!

I WILL keep this blog, I believe that it still has a purpose (so long as I keep things in focus.) I will still put on updates. I will still post on weightier matters when the Lord leads me to. BUT, I will no longer pant after the recognition of having a blog. I will not seek to be known among the blogging community. I no longer hunger and thirst for the blog.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matt 5:6 (NASB - emphasis added)


Ruby said...

God bless you Bethany! You can now live life instead of blogging about it.
My boys are shooting hoops at the moment on lunch break. I can hear them yelling and cheering and boooing one another. Your post reminds me of what I have been thinking so much of lately. My priorities, my life is just a vapour, I need to give God, my bubby, my boys the absolute best I can. I had not really realised the all consuming nature of blogging for you, but I know all this to and fro here and on other blogs about this very thing has been a timely reminder for me to keep focus.
Keep redeeming the time, my sister!

Ruby said...

Actually, that was meant to be hubby! But I do have two little "bubbies" I like to spend time with as well:o)

Leslie said...

Way to go!!!
I'm proud of you!!!

Gpa Jim

Alana said...

One way to cut down on the addiction factor would be to disable comments on your blog. It would give you a venue to write, but no feedback. I saw a lovely blog one time and that was the case, and it was a very nice read, but not comments. And the reasons she gave for this was just what you have cited.

I struggle with the same sin. Have been doing much better with it lately, though. And have gotten more done.

Momma Jo said...

Thanks for your honesty. I believe many women (including myself) have struggled with this addiction! I was away from home the last few days and God spoke to my heart about how everything I do should be of benefit to my family. IF I have spare time where there isn't other things I should be tending to - fine. But, all too often I have pushed the other things aside and done blog/computer related things first.
I just returned home and I know the Lord led me quickly to this post to remind me what He stirred in my heart.

Thanks for your honesty - it helps hold others accountable.


Holly said...

Good points Bethany! Being something of a "Perpetual Student" I love the vast wealth of info on the 'net. Therefore I MUST limit my time on the computer. Especially since there are other things I enjoy doing as well-gardening/sewing/knitting, etc :~) None of those are truly essential activities anymore, I suppose. So their time must be limited as well.
Thanks for your post.