...or perhaps what I am trying to learn from my weakness and disability. I write these lessons after coming through the worst of it (for now, anyway). I seem to be in some sort of remission, OR God is healing me. I am a little stronger every day. I am able to do household chores that I could not do before! I am able to wash and dress myself! And, I even played my flute the other day! Whereas my arms were too tired before to wash my hair and fix it, I can now hold up my arms to play my flute. These are all praises to God! Now, onto the lessons I am slow in learning...
1) We often forget to thank God for our health. But, we are quick to complain when our health fails in the least bit.
2) Sometimes the actions we would label as "little things" are not so little when you can no longer do them. For example, most of us take for granted the ability to button your own shirt, or wash your own hair. But, I am learning that such "little" things are HUGE when you have to ask someone else to do it for you! I need to be thankful for the little things I can do.
3) If the scenario was reversed, and Paul was the one with the disability, (if he could not contribute anything to cooking, cleaning, disciplining/correcting children, or even dressing himself) how would I react? Would I be as kind, loving, and gracious as he has been with me? Would I reaffirm my love for him, in sickness and in health, every day through my words and actions?
4) I cannot be so hard on myself for not achieving my goals... because I tend to set unreasonable goals, I always have.
5) I must not think that my kids are not being taught in these rough seasons of our homeschooling, because right now, they are learning a lot of lessons that some children never learn - some good, some bad. Good lesson - a healthy spouse takes care of a sick spouse. Good lesson - do all things without grumbling and complaining, even when you are sick. Good lesson - being sick is never an excuse for sin. Good lesson - when messing up and forgetting any of these previous lessons, we need to repent to God and family. Bad lessons - Rebecca told me last week that she hopes she dies before becoming disabled. This shows me that I have a lot more lessons to learn myself!
6) Never say that "God will never" do something, because you just don't know. I almost sold my flute, I was convinced I would never play it again. I was convinced that I would be in a wheelchair by next year... you just don't know!
I have been honest here, knowing that I am just a babe in the area of suffering. I will be the first to admit that I have a lot more to learn. And, it may be that God will send a similar affliction next fall to continue to grow me in the areas where I lack. While I do not at all look forward to such a prospect, I do pray that if/when the time comes that I will be mold-able clay in the Potter's Hands!